Making changes

First off, public apology to 'my' Robster; I have not written you back but I have not been in the right 'space' to give you a proper response my friend. I have been too scattered and too restless but I hope to give you a proper reply this week!

Speaking of having been too restless. After having gone to this psychologist for about 2 months, I decided to stop my sessions. For those of you who remember my posts about my sudden panic attacks etc this past October, you know that that was the reason for going to see someone. Well, I do not feel that I am getting too much out of it other than the occasional interesting points that make me think, but on the whole, I feel that his approach is not really getting to the point of whatever it is that was causing my anxiety and after doing a lot of thinking, I believe that I know myself what 'it' is and what I need to do. For the time being, I will continue my Lexapro as I have noticed a better outlook and mood in myself. Heck, I feel more lovey dovey with my kids and enjoy them a whole lot more than I have in many a moon!

I decided what I experienced was a matter of a long built up of stresses that have been caused by the many changes I experienced over the past 12 or so years. I moved to different countries, had to adjust to different cultures and find a way to built up a new social life and 'roots'. Finding your roots is a hard thing to begin with, but even more diffecult if the environment for those roots keep changing. I moved several times over the past 10yrs in the US to different states, had two children, not much of a support system, sleep deprivation (especially the last 3 plus years) although the last couple of months have been better but I cannot say that I sleep 6 hrs uninterrupted on a regular basis. As in, never! My psychologist did mention something about coping techniques and how they change or can stop being effective. Well, mine were all about surviving the current stresses, and when my daughter went to school every morning this Fall, I thought, great! Finally I can relax. Well, it's the kind of 'relaxing' that comes when you've been driving warp speed (so to speak) and have to come to a screeching halt: your head spins for quite a while afterwards.

Anyhow, I decided that instead of worrying about getting behind on having a career or 'needing' to do this or that, I am just going to enjoy my 43rd year in taking care of myself. That will include forcing myself to go out by myself a la the Artist's Way (the Artist's date is about taking yourself to an artistic event or what have you so to awaken the artist within), go for walks (clears the head and is healhty too), and seriously trying relaxation techniques. Perhaps yoga, perhaps meditation. Either way, it will be difficult because I am a restless person.

And, as I have mentioned to Zee, my artist inspiration, I want to take an artistic class (therapy!! ha! )so I will look around for that.

Finally, nurture myself and continue to enjoy my family like I have been doing recently. I get a real kick out of my kids (great sense of humour, makes this mommy proud). The self nurturing will come in which ever shape I'll get inspired by. I will continue to write my thoughts on paper (I'm a writer so that helps me think and 'see' things) and release the genie in my head who needs to get out more often.

Plus, I will continue this blog and continue to visit 'you all'. All of my blogger friends give me something to chew on and I enjoy this interaction as well.
Gotta go back to my vacuuming (on a sunday??) before husband and brood return..
later!