Sunday, January 28, 2007

Making changes

First off, public apology to 'my' Robster; I have not written you back but I have not been in the right 'space' to give you a proper response my friend. I have been too scattered and too restless but I hope to give you a proper reply this week!

Speaking of having been too restless. After having gone to this psychologist for about 2 months, I decided to stop my sessions. For those of you who remember my posts about my sudden panic attacks etc this past October, you know that that was the reason for going to see someone. Well, I do not feel that I am getting too much out of it other than the occasional interesting points that make me think, but on the whole, I feel that his approach is not really getting to the point of whatever it is that was causing my anxiety and after doing a lot of thinking, I believe that I know myself what 'it' is and what I need to do. For the time being, I will continue my Lexapro as I have noticed a better outlook and mood in myself. Heck, I feel more lovey dovey with my kids and enjoy them a whole lot more than I have in many a moon!

I decided what I experienced was a matter of a long built up of stresses that have been caused by the many changes I experienced over the past 12 or so years. I moved to different countries, had to adjust to different cultures and find a way to built up a new social life and 'roots'. Finding your roots is a hard thing to begin with, but even more diffecult if the environment for those roots keep changing. I moved several times over the past 10yrs in the US to different states, had two children, not much of a support system, sleep deprivation (especially the last 3 plus years) although the last couple of months have been better but I cannot say that I sleep 6 hrs uninterrupted on a regular basis. As in, never! My psychologist did mention something about coping techniques and how they change or can stop being effective. Well, mine were all about surviving the current stresses, and when my daughter went to school every morning this Fall, I thought, great! Finally I can relax. Well, it's the kind of 'relaxing' that comes when you've been driving warp speed (so to speak) and have to come to a screeching halt: your head spins for quite a while afterwards.

Anyhow, I decided that instead of worrying about getting behind on having a career or 'needing' to do this or that, I am just going to enjoy my 43rd year in taking care of myself. That will include forcing myself to go out by myself a la the Artist's Way (the Artist's date is about taking yourself to an artistic event or what have you so to awaken the artist within), go for walks (clears the head and is healhty too), and seriously trying relaxation techniques. Perhaps yoga, perhaps meditation. Either way, it will be difficult because I am a restless person.

And, as I have mentioned to Zee, my artist inspiration, I want to take an artistic class (therapy!! ha! )so I will look around for that.

Finally, nurture myself and continue to enjoy my family like I have been doing recently. I get a real kick out of my kids (great sense of humour, makes this mommy proud). The self nurturing will come in which ever shape I'll get inspired by. I will continue to write my thoughts on paper (I'm a writer so that helps me think and 'see' things) and release the genie in my head who needs to get out more often.

Plus, I will continue this blog and continue to visit 'you all'. All of my blogger friends give me something to chew on and I enjoy this interaction as well.
Gotta go back to my vacuuming (on a sunday??) before husband and brood return..


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Continue to look for answers friend... but also continue to have such a great sense of humour, easy-going attitude and warmth for life. I sometimes feel stresses and really can't identify the cause, but I find that rest, quiet, good conversation ... and appreciating beauty all help.

Living in Ottawa with these temperatures could have given you years of anxiety!

7:20 PM  
Blogger zazou said...

Hi Ingrid,

Having been there, you will eventually find yourself amazing at all the great and bright things out there as your mind and body learn to live with less stress. Walking and yoga are great and "art dates" are a fabulous idea!

Hang in there- good changes are coming sooner than you think!

love Zazou

8:18 PM  
Anonymous Robster said...

Don't worry about me, Ingrid. I'm doing very well now that I've figured out my true self.

Give meditation a try. It works wonders for me. I do it every morning just before work. It relaxes me so I can handle the stress of my job and perform at my best.


2:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I started a whole transformation some years ago by signing up for a watercolor class and working as an assistant to a potter. I had absolutely no experience in either department but friends told me I was creative. It changed my life and I "found" myself. Actually it felt more like remembering myself which is hard to do when you are busy w/a family.

8:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

stopping the therapist was a good idea. when you feel they aren't helping or that you're helping yourself more, it's time to stop. so many ppl get caught up in being afraid to let go.... and that isn't healthy.

yoga is great and i'm one like you, in that i have a hard time resting my mind. but yoga and meditation did help me, altho i find it hard to concentrate on nothing for any significant amount of time.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Ingrid said...

Hi guys! I had to laugh when Gary mentioned that stress is a factor when you've lived in Ottawa!! You know, I find that even here in Austin with the cold spells we're getting (which is VERY relative and warm in comparison) your body does tense up and you notice it when it is 10F warmer and your body relaxes..boy. Hope you won't have to be in Ottawa for too long Gary although I'd love to visit their during July 1st! And yes, this sense of humour can't be beaten out of me so no worries mate! Zazou, the artist among my blogger friends, well one of the two although it might be that you're the art appreciator since I don't know your medium (sorry!). I'll be sure to let you know what kind of medium I'll be 'playing' in. Thanks for the encouragement btw..eventually, it is all about learning new coping skills or just learning to live a 'normal' life without the constant changes and moves..that helps..
Robster, I KNOW you're doing fine these days (thank you very much he said) but friends do need to stay in touch and acknowledge and respond to one another's emails so..I'm not letting myself of the hook. (plus I'm just plain curious about what's goin' on these days wink wink)
Mary, I have to tell you, you have a fun blog and like I mentioned before, if I'm in your neck of the woods, I'm definitely inviting myself over! Yes you are absolutely right, it's all about remembering who you were before children (she wrote as her 3 1/2 yr old wailed for her in the other room,stay in bed kid, it's bed time!)..where was I? Wait, who was I?? LOL (poor girlie girl, her dad just bood her away "NO! Stay in bed" ..'I want mommyyyy')
Tooners, I have been wondering how you've been doing pregnancy wise etc. It's funny to read your description of how difficult it is to focus on 'nothing' for too long.. that is exactly how I am. I am a daydreamer of sorts so to get to this place of 'nothingness'..I think I'd be seeing 'the light' when that happens! lol
I've been busy these past days and not even in the mood to visit blogs and read posts, let alone write one for myself..I'll see what mood I'll be in tomorrow.
thanks for stopping by guys,

8:31 PM  
Blogger DA said...

Haa lieverdje, well, after having been there too (who hasn't?) I can tell you that I'm back there again, will get my act together again one of these days and within a while go back again. It is called life and it's the way it is. Most important thing is that you learn and evolve in a way everytime it happens. I you need time off, take time off. Don't worry about loosing friends. You can't loose what you didn't have in the first place. Friends will be friends (even virtual ones).

Take care Dutch sister. Hugz from Amsterdam!!!

2:06 AM  

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