And now for something completely different; An Onion!

Well, it's THE ONION to be exact. For those non-American readers who could not know otherwise, it's a politically satirical 'newspaper', that well, makes fun of politics. Not just in the States, but everyone and everywhere is fair game.

So since torture is going to be highlighted for the weeks to come (I will post on other topics though), I figured we could do with a wee bit of satire (the only seemingly acceptable comic relief). Without further ado...here are some Onion-classics.

66 Percent Of U.S. Citizens Object To Torture In Nonetheless Frightening Poll
June 16, 2004 | Issue 40•24

CAMBRIDGE, MA—The results of a USA Today-CNN-Gallup poll released Monday show that 66 percent of Americans object to the use of torture during times of war. "We can be proud that the majority of citizens stand against our military personnel's use of torture," Harvard statistician William Stover said. "And it's somewhat comforting that, of the 34 percent of Americans who advocate torture, 72 percent said it should be used only when other methods of discipline have failed." Reassuringly, 97 percent of Americans were against the torture of U.S. soldiers or citizens by non-Americans.

CIA Chief Admits To Torture After Six-Hour Beating, Electrocution
December 21, 2005 | Issue 41•51

LANGLEY, VA—An internal CIA investigation into the possible use of illegal and inhumane interrogation techniques produced a confession from CIA director Porter Goss Monday, with the aid of waterboarding, food and light deprivation, and the application of wire hangers hooked to a car battery to the testicles. "I did it. We did it. We all did it. The president knew. The president did it. Please, God, please stop," said a voice identified as Goss' on recordings produced by CIA auditors. "Stop, please stop. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. The president won't do it again. Please let me die." Critics of the methods used to obtain the information continue to claim that torture is an ineffective means of obtaining intelligence, pointing out that Goss did not sound sorry.

American Torturing Jobs Increasingly Outsourced
March 30, 2005 | Issue 41•13

WASHINGTON, DC—AFL-CIO vice president Linda Chavez-Thompson, representing the American Federation of Interrogation Torturers, released a statement Monday deriding the CIA's "extraordinary rendition" program, under which American torturing jobs are outsourced to foreign markets. "Outsourcing the task of interrogating terror suspects to countries like Egypt, Syria, and Saudi Arabia is having a crippling effect on the Americans who make a living by stripping detainees nude, shackling them to the floor, and beating the living shit out of them," Chavez-Thompson said. "And specialists within the field—corrosive-material chemists, ocular surgeons, and testicular electricians—are lucky to find any jobs at all. How are they supposed to feed their families?" Attorney General Alberto Gonzales defended extraordinary rendition, saying the program will create jobs in the long run by fostering a global climate of torture tolerance.

Did you notice the dates on that? No public outcry, no campaigning on any newsmagazine or newspaper calling for an end to all of this. Hence, this one satirical 'rag' (term of endearment for sure) noting how nice and quiet it has been amidst the sounds of terror. Torture that is.